I don’t really do fear. I have no time for it and typically punch it in the teeth and move on.
I am flippant at best, and probably reckless at worst, but I just don’t tolerate fear. People who live in fear kinda annoy me and if I can stay in the game with them long enough I want to help them be done with it too.
I was especially not afraid of boats/water, etc….I am not a huge fan of fish – but I can work around them with enough splashing. Nearly everyone asked me “aren’t you afraid” when I told them Bo’s giant sailing plan.
Honestly never crossed my mind to be afraid. Maybe that was my downfall. Because last weekend I became VERY aware of how afraid I should be.
Since I have been aboard we have done multiple overnights and they were great. Sure, we were tired, and sure it is boring at 2am to stay awake and look for giant ships, but totally do-able.
We recognized we have always had great weather and great crossings and pretty much great everythings. Until last weekend.
The one thing I have said from day one that I can not handle is tipping over. It doesn’t matter how many times people try to explain the physics to me about keels and heaviness and yada yada yada, I do not want that sucker to tip over and crush me under water. I have been SUPER vocal about this and everyone around knows this is my *thing.*
Imagine my surprise when we were hit completely unprepared (no tethers, no life jackets, no ditch bag, nada!) by a squall and that dang boat was as close to tipping over as I ever want to be. Bo and I both sliding towards water, the rail under water and water coming over the side. Yep – in my book, TIPPING OVER.
I managed to huddle on the floor and squeak “i’m afraid” while Bo raced all over trying to fix sails and get us up again. True to form, Selah popped right back up – but by that time I was done for. My PTSD kicked in and I slid downstairs and didn’t re-appear for 18 more hours. It didn’t help that we bashed into super uncomfortable conditions for the next 18 hours. It didn’t help that the kitchen window was open and water poured into my home. It didn’t help that everything on the left side of the boat now slid to the right side of the boat – including my potato dinner.
Have you any idea how LOUD a bashing sailboat is for 18 hours? Every 3 seconds the boat moaned like she was gonna crack in a billion pieces. Thank God she didn’t. Although a Coast Guard rescue was my idea of a good time. I wanted off that sucker fast!
All the while, all I could think was how AFRAID I was. For 18 hours my headspace consisted of the following dialogue:
“I want off this boat”
“We are going to die on this boat. I am not ready to die”
“I will never sail again”
“When is the coast guard coming? How do I call them??”
“Are we there yet?”
“How many more hours?”
“I don’t think I can do this”
“I don’t WANT to do this”
and on and on and on for 18 hours. It wasn’t pretty. Meanwhile, Bo is upstairs trying to keep us on course and frustrated as hell that we are making about 3 miles per hour in that mess. He finally convinces me to come upstairs and I won’t die about 10am. Turns out we still had 5 MORE HOURS. Holy sugar does it take forever to get anywhere in a sailboat. Especially when all you want is to get off!!
We did eventually get off. And I did eventually get a shower and a better perspective. Turns out this is what I signed up for. And I should have been afraid. A little healthy respect for the ocean and Mother Nature is probably not a bad idea.
Bo immediately wanted to discuss all the things we learned and could do better next time. I immediately wanted to eat my feelings in the form of an ice cream and take a nap. All I learned was that I was afraid. And don’t want to tip over ever again. Lesson learned.
The thing is – we probably will. And it will probably still be terrifying and terrible. Welcome to life on a boat.
Anyone want to come sailing??? We can practice being brave together!
Love your honesty!! Being afraid keeps you on your toes,
Been there, done that and now carry Rescue Remedy!!!! I’m not fond of tipping over either and Ray knows my “degree” of sanity!! People says to me that it is a sailboat to which I reply, “REALLY!!!”…. My car can go 110 mph down 75 but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna do it!!!!
The mama bear in me is hyperventilating reading this and swearing things that involve getting you back on dry ground!! Alas… that is not very supportive of either one of you or your mission… so know that the Hastings (and I am sure, the Sheils and Kays) family will be praying for smooth sailing, restful nights and NO TIPPING!
Maybe Lola and TomTom could share their floaties with you? Like… you wear them everywhere?
hahahaha
Wow, can I ever relate to this! I hate when the boat gets all tippy. Catamarans seems like such a good idea at times 🙂 Ice cream also seems like such a good idea. Hang in there.
I’m still recovering from my PTSD. A night in a hotel seems to be the perfect cure, just an FYI 😉
Hey … we don’t know each other (yet!) but I’m a buddy of Bo’s from a weekend he took me and my friends sailing down in Orange Beach.
I love the blog. Anyways, you are super SUPER brave and you’re living your lives in the most amazing way possible. Hang in there. I’ve lived on a boat and the storms are so scary. But those are the times you will look back on and laugh when you have a beer in a bar and the ground isn’t rolling.
Plus … you’ll know that are braver and tougher than most humans and that’s a pretty kick ass thing to realize.
Keep the posts coming!
Jenny Adams
PS – I would have spent the 18 hours below too, just to be clear. And I once lost Ravioli for 12 people on the floor of a galley while trying to get it up the ladder. HELL to clean.
Thank you for the encouragement!! I can not IMAGINE the mess of ravioli. #worstnightmare I am working on a post about the time we spilled coffee grounds everywhere.
I’ll come. Well with humility as I just finished sailing in Sweden and have way more respect for what it takes to be out there. But it doesn’t sound nearly as wild as what u went through. But would love to join a leg of your trip. Love love
Tara – PLEASE will you come?!?!? What are you doing next week? Wanna go to the Bahamas? For real. We are taking passengers at any time. But no promises you come home alive…
Tell Bo to remind you what a seaworthy boat a Whitby certainly is. (I bet that’s bad grammer, BTW)
Enjoyed reading this fear(less) account of boat life.
He reminds me all the time 🙂
Scary stuff. Hang in there, you are living the dream!
Wow Wow Wow! I too will be praying harder for calmer seas and smoother sailing! Glad you both are on dry land for a few!!!!!! ❤️
I hope the hundreds of star filled nights and occasional fluoresce of waves off the bow make up for the few squalls and near tipping.
Congratulations on surviving your first big scare! I’m with Bo, here is an opportunity to discuss what could have been done differently, so that you feel more prepared next time! Neil and I just finished our first season of cruising (Seattle to Costa Rica), and each squall seemed to teach us something new about how to better prepare and how to more effectively share the responsibilities of sailing in such conditions. Heeling doesn’t scare me much per se, but my greatest fear is one of us going overboard. That has led us to keep life jackets and tethers nearby at all times and on our bodies 100% of the time during night watches (my ultimate fear is waking up and having Neil be vanished…). I think that figuring out how to cope with the physical (i.e., sailing, remaining safely on the boat) and emotional (e.g., fear, panic) aspects of safety are key for ocean cruising. The more clearly we outlined our storm prep plans, the easier it seemed for us to jump into action when Mother Nature threw us a curve ball with little warning. That also helped a lot with stress, nerves, etc. I look forward to reading about how this experience influences your approach to subsequent storms. Good luck! I’m enjoying following your story! ~Jessie
Hi Jessie: Thanks for all the tips! I think we will definitely become avid lifejacket wearers now – that is for sure. It was terrifying to see how close we were to swimming. A little too close for comfort!!